Before knowing how this whole show would shake out, I decided I wanted to write a blog post about the 2018 Golden Globes...
There are general assumptions I make about this first major ceremony of the awards season. Mainly, that most celebs will be super drunk by the end of it. Also, the winners are usually a bit less predictable than the awards shows that follow because, first of all, it's the first show of the season so we're not sure how movies are going to trend just yet, and secondly, it's the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, and they're just a little more edgy than the Academy, which from what I can tell is still just a bunch of boring old white people.
But here's something I should have expected for this particular show. I would have prepared myself for it had I been paying more attention. Clearly I'm an irresponsible amateur blogger, however, so I wasn't fully prepared for how hardcore everyone was going to be about trying to out-feminist one another last night. I haven't been living under a rock, so I did know that everyone was going to be wearing all black to protest all of the terrible dudes in Hollywood. I also knew that #MeToo was a thing. So give me some credit here.
Nonetheless, last night, overall, was just super weird. Most of it felt disingenuous, or if you're a Bachelor fan, disingenuine (no, that will never get old for me). But I don't want to sit here and point fingers at what celebs were true feminists and which were just wannabe poseurs. What I do want to do is give out some awards of my own for the best/worst/weirdest shit that went down last night. So here it goes.
Most Uncomfortable Host Award - Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers had a difficult job last night. As a straight white man hosting an awards show in front of a group of people who are protesting a predatory group of people who are mostly made up of straight white men, he was acutely aware of the fact that he wasn't really the right person to make jokes about sexual misconduct scandals. He tried his best anyway, and a lot of critics seem to think he did okay. For me, his jokes were for the most part excruciatingly cringe-worthy, mostly because it was clear how uncomfortable he was performing these jokes in front of this audience in the midst of the current climate in Hollywood. Please don't feel sorry for him though, because at the end of the day, he's still a white dude. And he still got paid a boat load to be there. You can read the entire transcript of Meyers' opening speech here.
The "Oh Snap" Award - Natalie Portman
There were a lot of feminist protests made throughout the night by a lot of high profile celebs, but none of them were as "oh snap"-worthy as Natalie Portman's seemingly off the cuff jab at the list of all-male nominees in the Best Director category. Indeed, why was Greta Gerwig not nominated for her work on the critically acclaimed film Ladybird? It wasn't my personal favorite film of the year, but she certainly deserved to be acknowledged. Hell, why wasn't Patty Jenkins nominated for her work on Wonder Woman, the film that singlehandedly saved the DC Cinematic Universe franchise? Why aren't more female directors being offered jobs on high profile movies that could be nominated in this category? It's ridiculous, and thank you Natalie Portman for pointing out something that is a consistently an issue in Hollywood every year. Let's stop this.
The Casey Affleck Award - James Franco
So we should all know about what happened with Casey Affleck during last year's awards season. If you missed it somehow, click that link there and read all about it. Anyway, this isn't about Casey Affleck. This is just about people accused of sexual misconduct winning awards and getting shit for it. So James Franco won for Best Actor in a Comedy for his portrayal of Tommy Wiseau in The Disaster Artist, and a lot of people on social media, including Aly Sheedy, are pissed. As a long time fan of James Franco's work, I have always defended him against the naysayers who maybe just don't get Spring Breakers and the people who hate him cause he can get his crappy short stories published in Esquire. At the end of the day, I always defend him because I firmly believe he's a talented actor in both comedic and dramatic roles; however, the things he's being accused of doing are seriously not okay. I'm starting to believe most men are just garbage. And no, that's not hyperbole.
The Rebel in Red Award - Meher Tatna
While most attendees opted to wear all black to the awards show, at least three women chose not to go along with this silent protest. Of those three, the only one whose reasoning I buy is Hollywood Foreign Press Association President Meher Tatna. The lady in red explained to Entertainment Tonight, "It's a cultural thing . . . When you have a celebration, you don't wear black." She went on to explain that the dress was something she'd chosen with her mother, who was watching back in Mumbai. Tatna said her mother would be "appalled" if she hadn't worn the red dress. Out of respect and tradition, I guess we can give Tatna a pass. At least she wore the Time's Up pin, so she was on board. Besides, she's the president, y'all.
The Still-Not-Hollywood-Royalty Award - Sam Rockwell
Sam Rockwell was the second actor to receive an award last night, following Hollywood royalty Nicole Kidman who won for her role in Big Little Lies (YAS KWEEN). When Rockwell went up to accept his Supporting Actor award for his role in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, the dude got played off the stage almost immediately. Meanwhile, Kidman's speech went on for what seemed like seventy hours. I understand why a lot of people are iffy about the politics of the film Rockwell won for, but he's a good actor and can the dude finish? If Tom Hanks had won, I bet they would have given him all the time in the world. I just feel like everyone should get played off as soon as they start listing off every person they've ever met, no matter how A-list they are. But that's just me. Rant over.
The "Oh, So Now You're A Feminist?" Award - Elisabeth Moss
Funny how suddenly The Handmaid's Tale is a feminist show now that it's cool to be a feminist. Back when #BookSquadGoals covered the television show in July, feminism was still a dirty word, Harvey Weinstein was still jerking off into potted plants with abandon, and Elisabeth Moss claimed The Handmaid's Tale wasn't a feminist story, it was a human story. Guys, when you say, "I'm not a feminist, I'm a humanist," you're just as bad as those people who say, "All lives matter." And if you think it's okay to say, "All lives matter," then I don't know what to say to you. You're probably at the wrong blog. Anyway, Elisabeth Moss gave a speech last night that was mostly based off of stuff Margaret Atwood has already said, and it just rang false for me. I know I said I wasn't going to call out the pretenders, but let me have just this one. Okay thanks. Here is the transcript of her speech.
The Drunkest Award - Tommy Wiseau
Disappointingly, the number of crazy drunken outbursts at the show last night was... zero. The closest we got was Tommy Wiseau when he tried to grab the microphone away from James Franco. To be fair, Franco was the one who insisted Wiseau come up on stage with him, and I sort of wish he'd let the dude talk, if only so that he could say, "Oh hi, everyone." But anyway. I have no evidence that Tommy Wiseau was drunk at last night's show because he seems to always act out of it. I'm just going to assume he's drunk all the time. Also I want to use this as a place holder, because next year there will assuredly be someone more deserving of this award. Also also, I just wanted an opportunity to use the above gif.
The "Why Was This Shit Nominated?" Award - The Greatest Showman
Let's be real. The Greatest Showman was a trash fire of a movie. The songs were the most throwaway pop songs ever heard in a musical with lyrics that were all platitudes and no heart. The Greatest Showman also completely glosses over the fact that P.T. Barnum exploited minorities and animals and tries to paint him as some sort of dreamer hero. In a year where so many white men are getting called out for using their position of power to exploit women and minorities, this movie is extremely tone deaf. In a lot of ways The Greatest Showman is much better than the last Hollywood original "musical" La La Land. And in the case of La La Land, I use the term musical loosely because La La Land was BARELY a musical. At least The Greatest Showman went with talents like Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, and Zendaya, actors who can actually sing. But The Greatest Showman sucked. The movie had no business being nominated for anything, and "This is Me" winning best original song over Coco's "Remember Me" is a crime. Plain and simple.
The Biggest Snub Award - The Big Sick
The Big Sick was my favorite movie of 2017. I feel personally attacked by this snub. I don't want to go into my love for The Big Sick too much, because trust me, it will be coming up on our Best of 2017 podcast (coming out on Monday, January 15! Available wherever you get your podcasts! Plug over!). But I am shook by this omission. Especially since The Golden Globes separate their Comedy and Drama categories, one would think this would make The Big Sick a shoo-in for Best Comedy. I'm still hoping this is somehow an anomaly and we'll see The Big Sick nominated for future awards this season. Otherwise I will rage.
The Finally Award - Ewan McGregor
Ewan McGregor has been severely underrated for the majority of his career, and it's not cool. He killed it as Mark Renton in Trainspotting and T2: Trainspotting 2. He was transcendent as the lovesick poet Christian in Moulin Rouge, the greatest movie of all time. He was the only saving grace of the otherwise unwatchable Star Wars prequels. And yet... The dude had to play TWO CHARACTERS in Fargo to finally win a Golden Globe. Can we start appreciating Ewan for the wonderful Scottish treasure he is?
The Best Winners Award - Big Little Lies
Yes!!!! Big Little Lies was my favorite TV show of 2017. This show brought me to tears with its realistic depiction of domestic violence. I loved it so much I read Liane Moriarty's novel as soon as I finished the series. And then I turned back around and watched the show all over again. Aside from Shailene Woodley who is always just passable, this show was stacked with amazing actors. This show deserved every single award it got, and I cheered like each win was a personal victory. It's important that we tell women's stories. It's important that we acknowledge the reality of domestic violence, that it happens to all kinds of people, even the ones we'd least expect. It's important that these stories are marketed to everyone and not ghettoized into the patronizing "Chick Flick" or "Chick Lit" category. Big Little Lies is a show for everyone. If you haven't seen it yet, you must. It is so, so good.
The Reese Witherspoon Should Have Won Award - Reese Witherspoon
Look. It's true. I love Nicole Kidman and I'm happy that she won, but Reese Witherspoon was nominated for her role in Big Little Lies in the same category as Kidman. She should have won, hands down. Reese Witherspoon was that show. She was everything.
The "I Still Don't Get It" Award - Oprah Winfrey
Yeah, this is going to be an unpopular opinion, and I know fellow squad members don't agree with me. But if this were a popular opinion, there'd be no reason for Oprah to win this award. I don't get the Oprah obsession. Oprah Winfrey is basically famous for being rich and slapping her name on shit. I know people love her, but I don't understand why. Like, what is she good at? She's good at making money and convincing people to buy stuff with her name on it. Why does she deserve a Cecil B. DeMille Award for that? I find her extremely grating, and I feel like there are plenty of black women in show business who deserve more accolades. Women who can act and actually have a talents aside from getting people to confess to stuff on a talk show and being on the cover of her own magazine every month.
I'm angry about this because Oprah Winfrey is getting praised for a speech that was basically a variation on what every other woman was saying at this awards ceremony. I'm angry because at the beginning of the show, Seth Meyers joked that Oprah should run for president. No. She is not qualified to run for president. Can we stop joking about people in the entertainment industry running for president? Because we joked about that before, and well, it turned out to not be a joke and now Donald Trump is our president.
Look, I'm not saying Oprah Winfrey is in any way equivalent to Donald Trump. I'm just saying I don't get why she's essentially worshipped for being rich and successful with very little talent to back that success up. For more on why her particular brand of success is problematic, check this out.
The WTF Award - Get Out Being Nominated As A Comedy
I feel like if you think Get Out is in any way a comedy, you've missed the point of this movie. I don't know what else to tell you. Does it have comedic elements? Sure. Even Hamlet has comedic moments in it. That doesn't make it a comedy.
The Best Speech Award - Sterling K. Brown
I know. I'm surprised this didn't go to a woman too. But Sterling K. Brown said something poignant in his speech that turned the focus to other issues in Hollywood, and this is worth noting:
"Now, Dan Fogelman, throughout the majority of my career, I have benefited from colorblind casting — which means, you know what, ‘Hey, let’s throw a brother in this role, right?’ It’s always really cool. But Dan Fogelman, you wrote a role for a black man. That could only be played by a black man. And so what I appreciate so much about this thing is that I am being seen for who I am and being appreciated for who I am. And that makes it that much more difficult to dismiss me, or dismiss anybody who looks like me. So thank you, Dan. Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press. Peace.”
And obviously, I'm not the only one who took notice of his speech. It was a standout moment for a lot of people last night.
Most Gorgeous Award - Margot Robbie & Alicia Vikander
I'm slightly biased because I always love everything Margot Robbie and Alicia Vikander do, but they were both incredibly stunning last night. These were my two favorite looks of the night.
Gag Me With A Spoon Award - Connie Britton & Blanca Blanco
Connie Britton's shirt is ridiculous, especially when you consider how much she probably spent on it. And even if Blanca Blanco wasn't blatantly ignoring the all black thing everyone else was rocking, that dress is tacky AF.
And those are my somewhat controversial and somewhat normal responses to what was overall a weird AND boring evening of awards. It kind of made me reflect on how little I care about most of the movies that were nominated this year. Here's hoping the rest of the awards season is less boring, if not less awkward.
About the Blog
The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.