In this installment of Are You the One, a lot happened and nothing happened at the same time. Yes, it's confusing for me, too. I don't really know what to make of the direction this season is going in. My big question is... I was assuming Episode 10 was going to be the last episode, but is it not? Are they not telling us whether it is or not because they don't want to spoil us? I need to know what is happening. Everything is so topsy turvy. We got a Match-Up Ceremony halfway through the episode, and then we ended up with a challenge with only 10 minutes left. So that means we got, like... a weird ending where they're about to go have a boat party but not yet. This is the cliffhanger? Next episode's boat party? I want to throw up my hands and quit, but I can't because this show obviously has my heart and my soul, for better or for worse.
So here we are. I guess let's break down what happened and stuff.
We pick up where we left off last week, with Alexis raging and swearing she hates Keith and will never talk to him again. Meanwhile, now that Keith knows for sure he and Alivia are a no-match, he's all in on Alexis and feels like they can really make it work outside of this house. How do I feel about this? IDK these guys are weird enough that they actually might make it work. I know, unpopular opinion.
For real though. I asked the question last week, and no one responded. So I'm going to throw it out there again. Since when did hooking up = KISSING? Alexis is pissed because she and Keith promised not to "hook up" with anyone else in the house, and he didn't. He kissed another girl. But Alexis has kissed everyone in the house. Literally everyone. I don't understand.
Keith tells Alexis, "We need to realize this isn’t the real world. We’re living in a house where this is how you play the game," which ends up being a theme in this episode. Couples are understanding that they're playing a game and that relationships inside the house are not the same as relationships outside of the house. We're playing by different rules. It's like The Bachelor, but everyone in the house is The Bachelor.
Later, Alexis gets even drunker than she was to begin with, and she goes into the confessional to whine about how much she loves Keith. But she doesn't go alone. She brings along her friend Bridget, who is a stuffed lamb.
I tried to find a picture of Bridget on the Internet, but I couldn't, and I'm too lazy to make a screencap, so you'll just have to picture Alexis as Shari Lewis, but blackout wasted.
In her confessional, Alexis says, "I love Keith, and I want to sleep with Keith, and I don’t want to sleep with anyone else . . . Bridget is my only girlfriend I have in my life." This confessional is intercut with footage of Alexis calling Keith her boyfriend and whining to him that he needs to stop being so mean to her. “I just want to sleep with Bridget and Keith and not fucking be upset about it," she says. “I’m really not drunk,” she says. Okay.
Meanwhile, Jada is watching all of this, like...
Now it's time to move on to other drama. The Nurys and DiDi friendship is blossoming, and I am here for it. Honestly, this whole Nurys and Diandra story arc is the most joyous thing to come out of this entire franchise. For real though. But enough gushing. Nurys comes clean to Diandra and tells her she and Malcolm had sex the night after Diandra and Malcolm had sex. Are you following? Basically Malcolm is an asshole.
Jada once again bears witness to the drama, and she is furious on her friends' behalf. “If this drink wasn’t so good, I would throw it on him," she says. "I ain’t trying to waste alcohol because I’m trying to get fucked up.” Amazing.
So Nurys and Diandra decide to confront Malcolm. Together. It is so epic. Malcolm acts like HE FORGOT he had sex with Nurys the night after he fucked Diandra. For real? Dude, you gotta keep better track of your dick. Finally, after being pressed, he admits that Nurys is probably recalling their secret sex correctly. But he still acts like they're the ones who are crazy for confronting him. I think it's time to take the "Recovering" part of "Recovering Player" out of his name chyron thing. I forget what you call those things.
Yeah that thing. I hate to break it to you, Malcolm, but you ain't recovering. Boy, bye.
What follows is the most excessive use of the word "bro" I have ever heard or seen. I'm going to guess this was some sort of defense mechanism for him. Whatever was going on, it was really awkward.
So not that what he said made any sense, but here's his defense: “Sorry I’m a fucking player, bro. That’s something I need to work on, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I do care about both of you, bro. At this point, bro, I don’t give a fuck. Straight up, bro. Get off me, bro. Two bitches, bro.”
So ladies, if a dude ever apologizes to you for being a player... if a dude ever calls you "bro" multiple times while apologizing for being a player... if I dude tells you he cares about you and some other chick and THEN says he doesn't give a fuck... And then calls you a bitch? Guess what? He's full of shit. If you needed me to spell that out for you, I don't know what to do for you. Anyhow. These ladies are over it. Thank goodness.
So let's see... what else? The girls host a fake game show to get to know some of the dudes in the house they've been neglecting: Shad, Tyler, Joe, and Ethan (the beta males I've discussed in previous recaps). Uche once again proves to be an adorable and intelligent gem during these interviews. She introduces Shad to the ladies by saying, "He may seem like a robot, but he’s not. He has feelings and emotions. Shad, guys!”
The girls ask Tyler where he would typically take a girl on a first date, and Tyler says, "Oh, Yogurtland. I just get to see who you are. If you put fruit on your yogurt, I’ll probably leave you there." That's pretty intense, Tyler. What if I put candy and cookie dough AND fruit on my yogurt? Can I stay? What if I just eat a bowl of cookie dough with a side of strawberries? Is that alright? I'm just saying.
We also find out that Joe was in a cult as a child. I want to know more about this. If you know more details about Joe's cult upbringing, holla at me. Uche thinks she and Joe might be a match because they both grew up in religiously restricted households. I kinda think she might be right.
So okay... the official name of this episode is "A Tale of Two Players," so ladies and gents, let me introduce you to Player #2, MICHAEL.
At the beginning of this recap, I included a pic of Michael with his boo Audrey. They've been coupled up since episode 3. Before that, Michael had Keyana following him around like a sad puppy. Now, it looks like Michael's eyes are starting to wander to Geles (pictured with him above). In a conversation with her bestie Audrey, Geles admits that Michael has been flirting with her. Audrey says, "Thanks for being real with me," but is she being real with Geles? Nah. She's not happy.
Michael tells the camera, "I'm crazy attracted to Geles. I'm even attracted to her personality."
Even her personality.
Audrey straight up asks Michael if he feels a connection with Geles. He says yes, but he also says there's no way he would mess up what they have to go after her. Audrey isn't convinced. What does convince her? When Michael says, "“Her and you do not compare at all. At all. You’re so much better, you’re so much cooler, you’re so much prettier. You’re everything that she’s not. You’re everything that I want." Like I get it. She wants to feel secure in her relationship with Michael. But does he have to put another girl down in order to make her feel better? More importantly, why does this work on her? This just didn't sit well with me.
Ugh just ugh. And then later they fight over him at the Match-Up Ceremony and Keyana is over on the sidelines still pining over him and thinking that once he gets tired of these two girls he's going to come running back to her. I cannot. Why do they like this dude? He's gross.
Let's check in with Clinton and Uche shall we?
So Clinton and Uche sit down and have a talk about where they stand in their relationship now that they're a confirmed no-match. Like Keith earlier, these two seem to have a realistic attitude about what relationships in the house mean. Uche says, "I think that you’re dating 11 girls and I’m dating 11 guys right now. That’s what it is. But obviously you know how much I like you, and I can see myself with you outside of this.” As I mentioned earlier, I like this attitude. I think it's the most realistic, and I really appreciate these two for being real.
What I don't appreciate? Clinton's wishy washy response. Uche's talking about how much she wants to make this work after the show. Clinton was all in before, talking about relocating and stuff. But now? All he can offer her is "we'll see how it goes."
My response to that?
Pretty much Clinton and Uche are over after this.
The Match-Up Ceremony
I don't know what to tell you. This episode is so wonky. They get 5 beams. According to Are You the One Math, we're really whittling down who it might be, and I think they're going to get it right next week. But we'll see. Here are the matches and stuff. Let me try to figure out who the true matches are now... I'm bolding my bets for Perfect Matches.
Kareem and Nurys - Don't think so.
Anthony and Keyana - It's either Keyana or Alexis, so I'm going to go with Yes. Anthony is a dick, btw.
Michael and Audrey - Man, I was really thinking Audrey and Shad were matches, but maybe not. I'm going to go in on this pairing. I guess we'll see next week when they inevitably get sent to the Truth Booth.
Shad and Alivia - Shad picks Alivia because they both went to good schools. This is ridiculous.
Keith and Jada - I really don't see this.
Dimitri and Diandra - Dimitri picks Diandra because he needs a girl who can keep him in line, and “She looks like the type where if I make her mad, I’m going to wake up with a bloody nose and my dick might be ripped off.” Apparently this is a good thing?
Joe and Uche - I really like the idea of these two together. Clinton also gives his blessing, weirdly enough. So maybe.
Tyler and Nicole - I'm starting to doubt this match up. But I want to believe I was right all along, so.
Ethan and Zoe - I feel like Jada is Ethan's match.
Clinton and Geles - I like this match up, but I already used up the five, so IDK. This is all very scientific.
Malcolm and Alexis - IN WHAT WORLD?
Now they use the last 10 minutes or so of the show to skinny dip and do a challenge thing. The winners of the challenge are Audrey/Michael and Alivia/Joe. Clearly Audrey and Michael will be the couple sent into the Truth Booth; however, I find it hilarious that Joe is going on a date with Kareem's girl Alivia after all of the shit Kareem has given him. Clearly Joe thinks it's funny too, because he says, “This loser on the little boat is taking your girl on a date now, so how do you feel about that?” Go on with your bad self, Joe.
And I guess next week will begin with a boat party? And maybe it'll be the last episode of the season? Who knows?
Are You Emily's One?
Jada has gotten on my nerves in the past, but she had some of the most hilarious moments this week, as you might have noticed in this very recap. Also, she, Nurys, and Diandra seem to be forming some sort of Power Trio, and I am here for it. Honestly, no romance on this show could get me nearly as excited as some Badass Lady Friendships could. That shit will last a lifetime. These relationships? Not so much probably, if past seasons are any indicator. So yay Jada!
Fingers crossed that the next episode will be somewhat normal? Either way, see you next time!
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The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.