I have one word for this episode: FINALLY. Yes, finally Clinton and Uche are being sent into the Truth Booth after weeks of torturous speculation and anticipation. But more importantly, finally we're getting an episode in its NORMAL format. We start this episode with a challenge, then we go on a date, then we get the Truth Booth, and then finally we end with a Match-Up Ceremony. This is the moment I've been waiting for. I am a person who appreciates structure. Thank you, MTV, for giving me what I so desperately needed for this, the first normal episode of the season. It only took you six tries, but here we are.
So without further ado... let's break down what happened on this week's episode of the greatest show on television.
First thing's first. Not to state the obvious, but it needs to be said. These girls on this show have no self esteem. I'm definitely seeing a pattern of these girls taking back shitty dudes who aren't worthy of their time or attention. This week's featured Girl Who Doesn't Know Her Own Worth is Alivia.
Like I know the way Alivia spells her name is stupid as hell, but that's not her fault. That's all on her parents. Other than that, Alivia is a catch. She is most likely the hottest girl in the house, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Joe and Keith are waiting in the wings, just hoping this girl wises up and drops this zero to get with a hero. More on Joe and Keith later.
At the beginning of this episode, we find out Alivia has taken Kareem back even though just last week (which was probably last night in show time) she was crying and saying she wanted nothing to do with him. I fucking hate Kareem, you guys. He's proven himself to be a hot head who doesn't respect women or, like, anyone for that matter. I hate how when Alivia is upset, Kareem aggressively holds her face between his thumb and his pointer finger and forces her to look at him. “I know you don’t want to look stupid," he tells her. "You’re like a real woman and people don’t have your best interests at heart.” Oh, and you do? Come on, bro.
This was in response to Joe trying to talk some sense into Alivia. Like, yeah, Joe really likes Alivia and wants her to give him a chance, but that wasn't the main focus of his conversation. He mostly just wanted to know why she was willing to give Kareem another chance after he was the biggest douche of the house in last week's episode. Wait. Pause. Dimitri is still the biggest douche, but Kareem is coming in at a close second right now.
Anyway, this whole Joe/Kareem drama is the start of a huge Alpha Male vs. Beta Male rivalry that really starts to rev up throughout this episode, coming to a major climax at the end of the episode when Kareem (surprise surprise) starts yelling a whole bunch and beating his chest and calls the other dudes losers.
But how did we get there? Early in the episode, we see the Beta Male team forming. Tyler, Ethan, Joe, and Shad sit around the pool, watching the girls they like hooking up with men that are their confirmed No-Matches. Ethan still really likes Geles, even though she's still sleeping with Anthony. "She makes great eye contact," he says.
Tyler responds, "Oh, and I don't do that to you?"
"No, you totally do that to me," says Ethan. "When I talk to you, it's like time stops."
So we all know the true perfect match of the show is Tyler and Ethan. Maybe they need to do a spin-off Are You the One show called Are You My Friend, because friendships are a beautiful thing.
I do think it's great that these dudes are making friends with each other, truly. They're fun to watch. But I also see Kareem's point at the end of the episode when he says they're not even trying to get to know these girls. Like, Tyler keeps whining about how Nicole is his perfect match, but has he ever even said that to her? He gets a date this week and he doesn't even take Nicole on the date, even though he likes her, because he knows Nicole is into Dimitri, WHO IS NOT HER MATCH. Tyler, dude, I love you, but you've got to put a little effort into this. I can't believe I'm agreeing with Kareem here.
ON THE OTHER HAND, Joe has a good point when he says, "We’re playing the game wrong… connections that were made the first day are still carrying on… all these no-match couples staying together is literally robbing other people of a chance for love, and that’s what we came here to get." Ethan also laments that it's really hard trying to find your perfect match when you know that person is likely in love with someone else.
Ethan says, "Nobody’s better than anybody else in this house, and I feel like that’s the biggest flaw with everybody. Everybody wants Kareem, wants Michael to be their match. Everybody treats it like it’s the Bachelor. They don’t want me to be their match even though there’s just as good a chance I am their match. Wake the fuck up.” Yes. True also.
Basically, both the Alpha Males and the Beta Males are playing this game wrong and need to step their game up. The Alphas need to let go of these initial connections and try to talk to other girls. The Betas need to, like, stop sulking and actually tell some of these girls how they feel. Come on, dudes, stop sucking.
The drama ends, for this episode anyway, with Kareem shouting: "Y'ALL ON THE SAME BOAT. AND THAT BOAT IS SINKING. Y'ALL ARE LOSERS. Y'ALL ARE LOSERS." Kareem is an asshole.
This week, the guys get to learn a bit more about the ladies. They watch videos from members of the girls' families and have to guess what these family members will say about the girls. If they get an answer right, they get to eliminate one of the dudes. If they get an answer wrong, they are eliminated. This is the absolute easiest way to ensure they get Clinton on that date and into the Truth Booth with Uche. All Clinton has to do is just not answer any questions. It's that simple. It's like MTV knew this group was struggling and decided to make it a little easier on them.
Here's a quick breakdown of how the challenge went. First, Audrey freaks out because she told her parents she was off doing some internship. She's all, "My parents have no idea I'm doing this show!" Well, they know now. Good job.
First up are Nurys's mother and brother. The question is, what is Nurys's nickname? Answer: "Chewie," because she's so hairy. Kareem gets it right and advances. He eliminates Ethan.
Next, Diandra's mom. What is Diandra's biggest flaw? Her attitude. Malcolm gets it wrong, gets eliminated.
What's Zoe's mom's advice for her daughter? Date a smart guy. Anthony gets it right, eliminates Shad. Note the Alpha Dudes are eliminated the Betas. This was a theme this week fo sho.
Nicole's parents say the dude who dates her needs to be rich. Once again, more evidence that Nicole is a trash human being. Michael gets it wrong and is eliminated.
Jada's parents say short dudes have no chance with her. Dimitri gets it wrong. Bye, loser.
What kind of guy does Geles's mom hope she brings home? Channing Tatum. Momma Geles knows this isn't Celebrity Are You the One, right? OMG, they should make a Celebrity Are You the One. Anyway, Kareem gets it wrong. Bye, other loser.
Alexis's grandmother is young and Ethan thinks she's super hot. Well, in Ethan's words: “I’m not going to say Alexis’s grandma is hot, but I am gonna say if she were in this house, I would have sex with her over eight of the girls.” Anyway, how many guys has Alexis kissed in the house? Alexis's grandmother guesses at least six. JOKES ON YOU, GRANDMA. She's kissed everyone! Guys and girls! That's 21 people!
Anthony gets this wrong and he's out.
We're down to Clinton, Keith, Joe, and Tyler. They would have to really fuck this up to not get Clinton on the date. Thankfully, Tyler buzzes in for the last question, which is for Uche's mom: Is Uche a virgin? The answer: Yes, I'm an physician, so I should know. How antiquated.
Uche says, "I am! I am a virgin!" Then there's a long pause. Then she mumbles, "...I'm not." I really like Uche. She's funny and cute.
So anyway, Tyler gets it right and eliminates fellow Beta Joe. Tyler takes Jada on the date with him because he can't bring himself to ask Nicole. Keith takes Alivia. And Clinton takes... Uche. I know. Shocker.
I don't really have much to say about the date, so I'm not going to do a New Orleans Watch section, but basically, they go on a Riverboat on the Mississippi and drink a lot. The only couple who says anything substantial to one another is Clinton and Uche. Guys, they're discussing moving to be close to one another, getting a dog together, and how many kids they want to have. I believe in love again.
The Truth Booth
The moment has come for Clinton and Uche to FINALLY (word of the episode) go to the Truth Booth together. The whole house is on pins and needles waiting to find out the results of this Truth Booth. Tyler says, “If they’re not a match, we should burn the house down.” Ethan says, "If they’re not a match, I’ve got dibs on Clinton."
As always, there's a lot of build up leading to the answer of the BIG QUESTION of the night. Before we cut to commercial break, they show a clip of Zoe smiling at the results, and I was like, well, they totally gave it away. They're a match.
I WAS FOOLED. Clinton and Uche are not a match. Love is dead. Uche is sobbing. Clinton tells her, "One of these boys is going to be the luckiest guy in the house because they get to be your match.” Jada says to the cameras, “I’m not the type to be like, I told you so, but I told you so.” Ugh.
So what happens next between Jada and Uche I really don't get. I mean, I GET IT, because their rivalry has been building all season, but I don't get the way it played out. Jada takes Clinton aside and respectfully tells him that now that he is going to give other girls in the house a chance, she wants him to give her a chance. Clinton agrees to try, and that's the end of it. Uche sees this, walks up to Jada, and asks, "What were you talking to Clinton about?" Let me just show you Jada's response...
Like... what? That escalated quickly, and I'm not even sure why? Like, what did we miss here? I feel like there has to be a huge part of this conversation that we didn't see on screen. Like, I know Uche was upset that Jada talked to Clinton, but she wasn't yelling or carrying on. She just asked a question. I don't think Jada was doing anything wrong, and I agree that Jada has been really respectful of Clinton and Uche's relationship this whole time, so Uche really logically shouldn't be upset right now. But Jada... This?
This kind of response is obnoxious. I found it really annoying and over the top. So either we missed something huge because of editing, or Jada is annoying and extra as hell. I just don't know.
The Match-Up Ceremony
I feel like I've already covered a lot of the drama that happened at the Match-Up Ceremony, because a lot of it was more Alpha vs. Beta yelling at one another and criticizing each other for having shitty strategy. News flash. All of you guys are sucking at the strategy game. So here were the couples, rapid fire:
Anthony – Nicole – NOPE
Malcolm – Diandra – NOPE
Kareem – Alivia – NOPE
Joe/Zoe – MAYBE
Shad – Audrey – MAYBE
Tyler – Keyana – NOPE
Ethan – Geles – NOPE
Keith – Alexis – NOPE
Clinton – Jada – NOPE
Dimitri – Uche – NOPE... Also Dimitri calls Uche a "female." He is the worst.
Michael – Nurys – NOPE
So they get ONE BEAM. Terrence J calls them losers. I can't decide if that beam was Shad and Audrey or Joe and Zoe. But I'm back on the Tyler and Nicole are a match train, even though I hate Nicole and am basically engaged to Tyler. It is what it is.
Are You Emily's One?
This week, I'm picking Alexis as my favorite of the episode. I almost went with Joe, but I was kind of annoyed that at the end of the day his attitude towards Alivia was that she didn't know what was best for herself, which somehow suggests he does know what's best for her? I don't know. It just kinda rubbed me the wrong way. But Joe is on my radar. Anyway, Alexis gets player of the week because aside from Tyler, she's literally the only person who hasn't annoyed me in some sort of way this episode. Plus, remember how I was talking about this house being full of girls who hate themselves? I don't feel like Alexis has that problem. She seems self-assured and confident, and doesn't take shit from any of the guys. Like, when Keith told her he was into Zoe, she was like, fine, I'm going to make out with Joe. Fuck you. And I can appreciate that. Finally, out of all the girls in the house, I feel like she's the one I'd most likely buddy up with because she seems like fun. The end.
And that is the episode! I loved this one. I hope you did too.
About the Blog
The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.