RIVERDALE IS BACK, BABY, and the BSG team is back on it again. Well, Mary and Kelli are back, anyway, recapping this trash show until the cows come home.
Riverdale’s 27th chapter is entitled “The Hills Have Eyes.” If we’re to believe that this entire show is actually the novel Jughead is writing, does that mean he’s naming all of his chapters titles after movies? In that case, it’s even more of a gimmick than we thought. Here at BSG, we’ve been referring to this episode by a much different name — Chapter 27: “Sex Weekend.” Feel free to steal that for the second draft of your manuscript, Juggy.
"If I need to sell a noodle, cast me."
Selfie Mail arrives and Tyra says, “It’s time to make some moves.” Everyone’s like, “We’re dancing.” Shanice is feeling good about it because she danced in high school. Kyla is feeling like that scared face emoji about it because she can’t dance.
Honestly I’m just glad to have a break from Bachelor programming to be here for some #nextlevelfierce models. Let’s do this. Episode 8. Go!
Rio is the topic of discussion at the model house. Shanice calls her “the biggest hater.” (Remember when she attacked Sandra for being pretty? Apparently she says other mean shit too.) Kyla says that she overheard Rio call her “stupid,” which upsets her because she’s struggled with this particular put-down after suffering a traumatic brain injury in high school.
Jeana, Rio’s BFF in the house and all-around badass bitch, overhears this conversation and tells Rio. Rio acts really confused and seems to not remember calling Kyla stupid. I wouldn’t even recap these silly discussions if they didn’t come up later, so hold tight.
Apologies for my belated post. I was having my own Winter Games in Denver this week. And by Winter Games, I mean I was playing board games with my nephews in Denver and it was snowing outside, but that still counts. Anyway, it meant I didn't get to watch this treasure of a show until several days later, but I still have thoughts and opinions. And I have an extra hour worth of this bananas show to cover, so I'd better just get into it.
This seems early to have a "read more" cut, but like I said last week, the structure of this post is going to mirror the structure of this show, so, like, it's non-existent.
I’m back from a brief recapping hiatus to bring you these highlights and lowlights of the past week’s episode. Here’s most of what you need to know about Episode 6 (Beauty is Pride) from the previous week: Jeana and Khrystyana were standouts. Liberty went home. Moving on now.
As if we couldn’t tell from that episode title (and yeah, they really are sticking with that format for the whole season), it’s clear this is going to be an emotional episode from the opening scenes. Brendi K. talks to camera about her unsupportive mother. And Jeana, Erin and Rio have a really tough conversation in the hot tub where Erin shares that her son’s father passed away from cancer. She left him while he was sick and he died a year later, and she is carrying a lot of guilt for that.
Last week after panel, Tyra hinted at a “raw” photoshoot. Everyone assumes this means nude.
For two insane weeks, Bachelor Universe is going to have to put up with not one, not two, but three nights of Bachelor television. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not sure if my wine budget can handle two nights a week of this show on top of the regular Bachelor. Regardless, I will be here to recap all four episodes of the Bachelor Winter Games over these two insane weeks, and I'll even live tweet when I have nothing better to do with my time. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Like the rest of Bachelor Universe (we're a universe now, btw. We were a nation and then this show happened and introduced us to the International Bachelor contestants. Next season on Winter Games, I fully expect The Bachelor: Mars to participate), I had no idea what to expect from this show. After watching two episodes, I still have no idea to expect. So similar to the format of the show itself, the format of my recaps is going to be... nonexistent. I'm just going to chat about whatever moves me. Hold on tight.
Hello, Riverdale fans and victims! As we prepare for some exciting things on the Book Squad horizon, Mary takes control of the recap yet again. While she misses Kelli horribly, she's doing her best to keep you abreast of all the moving and shaking happening in our favorite hot mess of a show. This week, we're breaking things up by character yet again, because this show loves nothing more than rando one second scenes. Join us after the cut for more drama than a pit full of serpents.
These episode titles are starting to be a little meh for me. And in case this title made you think you could expect some seriously unconventional stuff, think again. It’s really not that unconventional at all.
Ashley Graham shows up to the house to talk about unconventional beauty and how it’s a great time in the modeling industry because it’s finally embracing all body types, skin colors, etc. She asks the models how their beauty is unconventional. Jeana talks about her baldness and being a voice for anyone with hair loss. Coura talks about how she’s struggled with appearing too masculine. Rio had some body issues and remembers that she was not recognized as “pretty.” Sandra is like, I’m really pretty so idk what to say. *shrug*
Time for a special guest!
Big-time beauty vlogger Patrick Starr arrives. He tells them this week’s challenge: The models will make a beauty vlog alongside Patrick Starr using unconventional items as beauty tools. Teams of two (and one team of three) will compete for the chance to have their vlog featured on Starr’s channel. There will be an individual winner who gets a “special advantage” in the upcoming photoshoot. Every team only gets one take. Aaaaaaand go!
Sadly, Kelli is out this week and I’m left driving the Riverdale train. As always, it’s a wild ride, and I’m trying out a different format for recaps, tackling one character at a time. As a show notorious for super-short scenes and an interlaced plot, Riverdale is sometimes hard for me to recap coherently. Let us know what you think about this format! We’re always trying to make things better for you, our reader.
Riverdale is struggling after returning from it’s mid-season break, and the newest episode is no exception. Archie is still stuck in a weird mob-like predicament and Chic coaches Betty on how to be a cam-girl as the Serpents deal with an internal power struggle against its members. Oh, and Veronica is getting confirmed in the Catholic church, too, for some reason. All this and more on this week's episode of Riverdale, “The Wicked and the Divine!”
When I see this episode title, my first thought is, God I hope that means someone’s gonna fight. Hopefully over something political.
Back in the model house, we get a little recap of the Liz/Brendi K. drama from the backstage footage from the previous episode where Liz calls Brendi K.’s family “crazy.” She acknowledges this wasn’t cool and tries to (sort of) apologize. Brendi’s like, nah girl. Let’s just keep away from each other. I’m thinking If this is the drama I was promised, I am already dissatisfied.
Apparently last week they found out they are doing screen tests this week, so they’ve had lines since the night before they’ve had to practice. Also: holy shit. Panel was just the night before? Is all of this just one day at a time? Have they only been there for like…five days? Mind blown.
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The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.