Hi fam! It's the moment you've all been waiting for! My inaugural Are You the One Season 6 recap. I have yet to decide if this will be weekly or bi-weekly, so I guess we'll just wait and see how many feelings I need to express as the show goes on. But let's get this pirate party started.
So, first, I just want to apologize to all of the new Are You the One viewers who were promised a match-up ceremony at the end of every episode in my last post. Clearly that's not what is happening, and I have a theory about why; basically, every season, the cast has ten opportunities to find their perfect match on a ten week show. If the group finds their matches early, that means they have fewer match-up ceremonies to spread out over ten episodes. So the fact that we're two episodes in and have only had one match-up ceremony halfway through the second episode tells me that these kids are going to find their matches early, and I predict earlier than any other group has matched up before.
However! I also predict that in order to get there, they're going to have at least one blackout (meaning they get no new matches at a ceremony). In fact, because these guys are going to get their matches correct so early, there might be more than one blackout. The thing that's great about a blackout is it gives contestants a lot of information. Suddenly, they know that the person they're sitting next to cannot possibly be their perfect match, which really helps narrow it down. As a viewer, blackouts are also amazing because of all the drama! What, you mean this person I've been in love with for the past 14 hours is not my soulmate? HOW DARE YOU! The thing that is not so great about a blackout is contestants lose half of their money every time they get a blackout.
So, basically, my prediction is that this group is going to finish early, but with practically no money. We'll see how this unfolds in the upcoming weeks. I'm super excited to find out.
Let me break the first two episodes down a bit more for you.
Season 6 of Are You the One is off to a killer start. We've got drama. We've got love triangles. We've got Terrence J as the new host this season, which is pretty exciting. I loved him as the host on the short-lived dating show Coupled, and while Ryan Devlin had his own charm in a knock-off Topher Grace kind of way, the dude who hosted Are You the One: Second Chances was essentially a robot. So if they were going to go with a new host, I'm glad it's TJ and not that other loser.
The challenges leading up to the dates have been fairly interesting so far. In the first episode, a picture that represented one of the guy's major interests/values came up on a screen, and girls had to raise their hand if they also valued that thing. So we had a football, a piano, some Jesus stuff, and... a condom? I'm not really sure what sort of value that's supposed to be? Why not just show us a dick pic at that point? Similarly, on the second challenge, the guys had to use a bow and arrow to pop balloons underneath the girls' life goals. Highlights of major life goals for these girls include: becoming a Playboy Bunny, being featured in Sports Illustrated, and becoming a Real Housewife. #FEMINISM!
I guess I’m obligated to talk about the first of what is sure to be many love triangles on this season. Diandra likes Malcom. She calls him Papi, and within the first night of these kids all living in a house together, she announces to the world that she finally has a boyfriend. Malcolm is 25, which means he's ready for something serious (LOL). He acknowledges that, yes, they have a connection, but Nurys is, in his words, “a go-getter,” which means she jumps him in the bathroom and leaves him with the biggest boner I have ever seen on television. I didn’t even know they were allowed to show that on television. Pretty sure if this was The Bachelor, that boner would have had a giant black box over it. Okay, I’ll say it. The most interesting thing about this love triangle (so far) is Malcolm’s giant televised boner.
But the drama doesn’t end there. It all culminates at the Pirate Party, which was totally spontaneous and obviously all Malcolm’s idea. Everyone just happened to bring pirate costumes with them to New Orleans. It’s totally chill.
Anyway, while everyone else is taking shots and making bad pirate puns, Diandra is upstairs doing her make-up for what seems like 500 hours, give or take. She keeps talking up her outfit, and I really thought she was going to come down wearing something mind-blowingly sexy; but no, she’s wearing a black leotard with fluff going on around the neckline that resembles something I wore to my second-grade dance recital. Maybe some dudes find second-grade dance recital outfits sexy, but Malcolm is unimpressed. He doesn’t even realize she’s there and ends up making out with Nurys The Go-Getter right in front of her. Ooooops.
I feel like this should be the end of the love triangle. But of course, Diandra has labeled herself the Queen of Second Chances, which means she still believes Malcolm is her perfect match, even though he no longer has any interest in her. In the words of Nurys the Wise, Diandra tried to be extra and that shit backfired.
New Orleans Watch!
So according to the Internet, some people are not as excited about the setting of this season. I guess objectively speaking, New Orleans isn't as fabulous as, say, Hawaii or Australia. Okay, fine. But I was still really excited to hear they were going to be in one of my favorite cities in the world. Geaux Saints! This section of the recaps will be where I weigh in on locations I recognize and complain about how touristy these dates are. Seriously, is there anything less romantic than drinking hurricanes on Bourbon Street? I cannot.
So yeah, the first romantic date takes place at Pat O'Brien's on Bourbon Street, and they've obviously shut the place down for filming because I've never seen it so empty. I don't care what time of day it is. I've even been there on Christmas Eve, and there was a crowd. The second date seems to be a similar location though we don't get the name of the bar. Honestly, it looks like the exact same place. The only difference is we get to see them take a horse-drawn carriage through the French Quarter. We get flashes of Jackson Square and Café Beignet (I'm sorry, but if you're getting beignets here instead of Café Du Monde, you're doing it wrong... this is one touristy thing I can get behind). I'm just really hoping future dates switch it up a bit more than these two dates. The dates are never the most exciting part of this show, but still. You're in a fun city with a lot of fun stuff to do besides drinking on Bourbon Street. I would even take a Ghost Tour. Hell, that actually sounds like a good idea.
The Truth Booth
I'm going to talk about both Truth Booths here. The first couple to hit the Truth Booth are Ethan and Keyana. They have been voted into the Truth Booth because they both love music, which means they must have a deep and meaningful connection. In a word, Naw. There is nothing between these two. Keyana actually cheers when she finds out they're not a match. “I’ve never had somebody cheer so loudly after they were relieved from being around me," Ethan says, dejected. "Congrats to her.”
In Episode 2, we get Anthony and Geles on the Truth Booth. We're left on a cliffhanger, unsure if they will be deemed a perfect match or no match. I'm torn here. Obviously the certainty both of them have before going into the booth makes me feel like Mtv is setting them up to fail. However, why end it on a cliffhanger if it's going to be a no match next week? It seems like it would be more of a cliffhanger to know that and then go into next week wondering how the house and this couple are going to deal with this huge letdown. Also, as I said at the beginning of this recap, I think they're going to figure this out way early, so an early Truth Booth win would help them on the road to an early success. I just don't know. I also don't really care because these people are boring.
The Match Up Ceremony
We did actually get a match-up ceremony in the second episode, so let's think about this. Out of the eleven couples sitting together, three of them were perfect matches. This is the section of the recap where I will predict which of the matched up couples I think are the perfect matches. As the series goes on, I will be using Are You the One Math to help make my predictions. I don't feel like this is cheating. It's just being resourceful. Obviously with only one match up ceremony, there isn't a lot of info yet, so here are my semi-random predictions:
Michael and Keyana: Because why not? He's Instagram famous. She's an Instagram stalker. They're perfect for each other. Plus, she told him about her miscarriage on their first night together and he didn't freak out or act like that was an overshare. I feel like these two could have a good thing going.
Tyler and Nicole: I just want this to be a thing because Tyler is my favorite and Nicole stood out to me in her intro package. We haven't really seen much of Nicole since, but on this show that's probably a good thing.
Anthony and Geles: For the reasons stated above, they're definitely a match. Or definitely not a match. No, I'm going to say they're a match. Final answer. I guess we'll find out next week.
Are You Emily's One?
This is the section where I'll talk about my favorite contestant of the week(s). For now, that person is hands-down Tyler. You know how sometimes you can just tell someone is smart just by the way there seems to be something behind their eyes missing in a lot of these other vapid Instagram models? Yeah, Tyler's got that. He's also earned the beloved spot as the show's commentator. Every reality tv viewer loves the contestant that can narrate the show for us and be our eyes and ears. Oh, and he's also come up with cute nicknames for a lot of the other contestants. Some examples: He calls Clinton "Jesus Christ," Alexis is "Miley Cyrus," Michael is "Ken Doll," and Keith is "Star Lord." Everyone is calling Nurys "Pocahontas" for some reason, which I'm assuming probably came from Tyler as well. I don't get it though. Anyway, Tyler is a gem, and I look forward to seeing more of him in the upcoming weeks. Also, I forgot to mention he's extremely attractive, so yeah. There's that.
And that's it for my first ever recap of Are You the One. Watch along with me on your television or on MTV.com, and I'll see you next time to break down all of the shenanigans!
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The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.