Everyone knows the second episode of any ANTM is where things really get started. We’ve got the core group of models ready to go and the challenges can begin. We also get to see the intro for the first time. And I’ve gotta say, I really like this cycle’s intro. The cheesy song is gone, the new music is cool, and it has a super modern feel that showcases the models’ personalities through several poses. There’s just a little hint of that classic na na na na na na (you know the tune if you’ve ever watched a season) at the end to remind us that Tyra is back and this is classic ANTM, minus the stupid “Wanna be on top?” stuff.
We get started in the model house, which has the coolest effing balcony overlooking Los Angeles. The girls are chatting about their photos from the first episode, and it becomes clear that people are kind of annoyed with Maggie’s “white homegirl” stuff. Get ready. This is a theme of the episode. The other models can tell she’s putting on a personality that changes pretty often, and they’re not very into it. Coura says, “I don’t know if she’s just trying to relate to whatever culture she’s around, but that doesn’t relate to me.” Same.
TYRA MAIL IS HERE, Y’ALL. It’s like a weird selfie-shot video and feels so different from the rest of the production value of the season so far. It’s a pretty vague message about not “coasting” through the competition and needing to focus. Less obvious than usual. Normally they’re as transparent as a date card from The Bachelor.
The models go to the famous Venice Beach Skate Park where supermodel Stacey McKenzie is waiting for them. Stacey’s LEGS holy moly. They’re amazing. She walks for the models to show them how it’s done and then critiques their walks and gives them advice. Here’s where it becomes clear that Jeana and Coura are frontrunners and are just already fierce af. Liz gets called a “hot wreck” which is accurate but still the reason I like her. Walk that weird-ass walk, girl!
But guess what? Of COURSE this is leading to a challenge. Stacey surprises the models by telling them they’re about to walk in a runway show for Baja East. The runway is in the skate park and it’s hella cool. Basically they’re walking the rim of the ramps while skaters do tricks all around them. It’s essentially my high-school dream come true. (Yes, I had a thing for skaters. Sue me.)
The winner of this is going to get a killer prize of walking in a Baja East runway show during New York Fashion Week. This is serious. Ready to be annoyed with Maggie again? When she meets the two male designers behind the Baja East label, she says about one of them, “This dude is fine.” So instead of networking with these huge designers, you’re gonna focus on that? Girl, please.
Khrystyana kills it. Again, I say, those hips tho. She’s working it. Jeana is also amazing. Coura is on effing fire, let’s be serious.
A few people were meh or downright bad though. Brendi K. missed her mark at the end of the runway and then made this face like OH SHIT I FUCKED UP, which, please never do that. Ivana forgot to pose at the end of the runway, but it could be worse. Maggie is convinced this designer fits her white homegirl style and it’s like please just stop. One black friend must have told her she was cool once and she’s now trying to make this whole persona a thing.
The winner? Khrystyana. Curvy and over 30 for the win! Loving her.
We get a brief dramatic interlude at the house where Brendi K. loses her mind about a half-eaten apple in the fridge and yells at everyone. Bitch please relax. It’s not like it was on the countertop or something. (Side bar: she looks like Maisie Williams to me.)
More Tyra Mail! It’s cryptic again and basically just says, “You’re glowing.” I hoped this wasn’t pregnancy related, but unfortunately, I was wrong. That’s exactly what it is.
All the girls now have to get impregnated to participate in a photo shoot. Their willingness to get pregnant with no warning proves how much they want to be a model and will test how committed they are to getting their model body back after their babies are born. KIDDING, OBVIOUSLY. But I’d watch that show.
It’s actually a photo shoot inspired by Blac Chyna’s pregnant cover of Paper Magazine. The models will have prosthetic pregnant bellies, and their challenge, as Drew Elliott puts it, is to glow. I’m not excited about this.
Jeana, obviously. Drew says she’s “bringing MILF and she’s not even a mother yet.”
Coura is just so physically stunning and her styling looks awesome. She kills it. (Not her fake baby. Her photo shoot.)
Khrystyan seems like she’s gonna be just okay, but her photo is gorgeous.
Brendi K. Poor girl. Her physically abusive ex caused her to miscarry when she was 18, so she’s obviously got some traumatic memories associated with a baby bump. I feel bad for her. She does a super crappy job in the shoot, and Drew can’t seem to get anything good out of her.
Maggie is another struggle for the photographer and Drew. Drew says he thinks her lack of ability to channel what she needs to is because “she doesn’t know who she is.” Yeah, duh. She’s so confused.
PANEL TIME. The first panel of the season, y’all. Bring on the judging!
We find out the prizes for the winner this season, and they’re good. 1) Contract with Next Model Management, 2) Fashion spread in Paper Magazine, and 3) $100,000 courtesy of Pantene. (I’m unclear on whether they actually get to model for Pantene at all?) Oh, and the winner gets to be an avatar in ANTM’s new mobile game, which is a whack-ass prize.
Khrystyana has a great photo but is wearing some broke ass outfit. I thought you watched this show, girl! You gotta wear modely stuff to panel. Law Roach (my favorite) tells her, “You cannot come in here with those shoes ever again.” He’s right.
Rio is great again. Feedback: “That’s a smize if I ever saw one.” Smizing is back and I’m here for it.
Liz may or may not be drunk af again. She says she’s not ready to be pregnant quite yet and Law says, “That’s obvious.” Seriously though, what kind of drugs is she doing because I want to be that ridiculously happy and carefree all the time too. Oh, and her photo is good.
Kyla doesn’t do so hot. Tyra said she “isn’t proud” of the photo and Law says, “This would never go viral. This would go on your refrigerator on a magnet.” DAMN.
Jeana gets told she’s basically a Guess model. She’s clearly #nextlevelfierce
Erin really looks amazing. Law says she makes him want to be pregnant. “Imma go to eBay so I can buy me a uterus!”
Shanice isn’t that memorable, but I love that Tyra called her photo “hoochie high fashion” which is honestly what I’m gonna strive for in my daily wardrobe choices.
Brendi K. gets told she’s the worst of the bunch.
Coura is “absolutely stunning” but needs to show more personality.
Maggie gets dragged. Drew says, “I’m so confused by you.” She claims her personality (if you can call it that) is a result of living different places and being around different people. And everyone’s like, um, yeah, we’ve all done that too. It’s called being a human.
From best photo to worst:
Coura, Rio, Erin, Jeana, Khrystyana, Christina, Liz, Kyla, Ivana, Rhiyan, Liberty, Shanice, Sandra
That leaves Maggie and Brendi K. in the bottom two. And oh my gosh, I forgot how stressful the bottom two situation is.
Tyra tries to be classic Tyra here and says some cutesy stuff in a super dramatic tone.
To Maggie: “I’m not sure if the white homegirl should just be at home, taking selfies.” See what she did there?
To Brendi K.: “The K stands for kickass, but this photo is anything but.”
The girl. Who is still in the running. Toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. Is.
Maggie is shocked because Maggie thinks Maggie is so effing cool. I, for one, won’t miss her.
I’m excited for next week, when no one will be wearing fake pregnancy bellies.
Yours in #nextlevelfierceness,
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The authors of this blog are four women with opinions about pop culture. That's all you really need to know.